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March 23, 2005
not much sleep no sleep, not much sleep, barely any. the site is back out of the milky whiteness of empty files. no sleep, not much sleep, barely any. the room is cold tonight. and it is good this way. it is okay. it is warm under covers. and this is where i should be right now. moved the table closer to the kitchen. sitting on the only red chair in my apartment. my little garden on the window looks like a floral freak show. i am bad at cutting back plants. the different sizes of leaves are just a joke. i will need to learn more. just touched the heater and it is hot. it is just to incredibly windy and cold outside, that's why. no sleep, not much sleep, barely any. i sat in front of a white page for twenty minutes. then started drawing with a really hard pencil. then erased everything. then sat in front of a white piece of paper again. then read some old diary entries. i used to have pathetic thoughts. good. this is a sign of progress. it used to be much scarier when i would pick up one of my many books and read something written years prior and realise that that younger me was a much brighter shining light than the dimlit reader... so being able to smile over some obviously underdeveloped thoughts is a really great thing. weiter so. mixed up languages again today. spoke to todd levin in german for a sentence or two. the few days before that, my brain would try to distract me with clearly pronounced polish sentences. just like that, out of nowhere, there would be people passing on orders to other people passing on orders. no sleep, not much of it, barely any. how come it took me this long to discover that the book store two blocks from here is actually a big one, only in the basement. it took me this long. good. now i know. at least. there are probably billions of things which will take me longer than i have life for. sleep. it is calling me now. at least a brief nap. it is very much needed. very much. so glad to have this website back. really glad. oh and time sometimes matters and sometimes it really does not. going to sleep a little now.