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March 23, 2004
pretty okay...

Was I maybe five inches away from his beak? Maybe less? Would he just snap after me if I were a bit smaller and had scales? Would he ever notice that he killed me? Or would he only notice the taste of me?
Are we humans among the privileged hunters who get to experience the death of their prey outside of their bodies, completely disconnected from its probably very satisfying taste? Does this let us have wars with much of what we encounter? Is it this separation of death and food that helps us have war with other primates, or terror, drugs, or carbohydrates?
If this bird was not really aware of my recording him onto a little piece of digital equipment, did this mean anything, to anybody? This bird here was a pretty capable flying machine, with the ability to just fall out of the sky and swallow various sizes of fish whole. I could never do that. I could not really survive in his environment, were I left to my own devices with no technology, no proper shelter, no fire?… I can somehow survive in the protective shell of culture and service and cashflow. Generations before me have worked so I can record a digital image of an animal that did not really have to get much better than it already is. Generations have worked on me being able to change the position of some markers somewhere on a disk in Texas, so others can see what I saw… will there be any learnings? Will we all be able to catch better fish?
Yes, I have opposing thumbs and a brain that is heavier than a pelican’s, but does this really make me a better species?, or only on the turf defined by other humans… the same ones who would like to sell me something in exchange for my attention, time, energy…
Oh and I had a tiny piece of fish for lunch today. It was caught by somebody else and it was prepared with ingredients that might have traveled around half the globe… but I paid for it with what I was given for spending my time on a rather stressful activity that my body was definitely not optimally designed to handle… in fact… I should not work the way I work too much, as it might actually hurt me… (to the computer I am just a hand with just a few fingers clicking maybe two or three at a time… not much more…)
Rather strange…
He looked at me for a little while… then he had enough of me and just flew away… probably to catch some fish.