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December 13, 2003
Salty...

Read the following with the heaviest New Yuoak accent you can possibly simulate. Here is a brief version of a cuonvasation behind me at de regise at 11pm on a saturday nite...

Old Lady with a shrill voice (to really, really tired looking old man in his 70's holding a 50 bag of peanuts):"You can have those, but only if you want them for the office. If you want them for the office, you can have them, because I don't want to see you eating them on the couch."
(She handles the sausage shaped pack in one hand, far away from her body as if it were filled with some funny, yet dangerous jelly. The peanuts move in their dusty greasy world visible through a clear area in the plastic pack. She looks at the ingredients list in a way as if she were wearing bifocal lenses. She is not wearing any glasses.)
"You are not going to eat these at home. You gotta take them to the office. Take them for the office. But take only one, you don't need two. One is enough. For the office. You can eat them when you have a break. They're peanuts. What's in there?. Yes. For the office. Or do you want the orange ones? Are they different? Take the yellow ones. They are peanuts. You can eat them."
(She inspects a yellow variety first. Then the orange pack, then the yellow one again. Her monologue continues for several minutes. She finally settles, puts one yellow pack of unsalted nuts on top of their produce. The man never replies. He looks very much as if he were very familiar with the woman's behaviour.)
I pay and am about to leave the register, when the man uses the distraction to quickly pull out three more bags of "orange" and "yellow" peanuts from the snack shelf. He deposits them silently at the front of their rather large pile of food. The old lady appears upset, like a mother who just lost a battle for snacks to her two year old child.)
A tall, odd looking customer behind the couple (smiling at the old man):"You like nuts?"
Old man (his eyes looking quickly for some answer on the ingredient list of the small orange pack of salted peanuts...): "I need the salt."

Next please...

Comments

Yello and orange nuts? I guess I don't get out enough.

Posted by: Blaine Hilton on December 13, 2003 11:38 PM

; D well, the foil around the nuts was this color... ; )
exciting variety there, at Gristedes on 96th... : )

Posted by: Witold Riedel on December 13, 2003 11:47 PM
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