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September 08, 2003
A Bonsai Pretzeltree

Scavenging for food is one of the normal activities of office humans. Some of the more important meetings involving more important people tend to include breakfast or lunch or other special snacks. One can either be part of such a meeting, be more daring and pretend to be part of such a meeting, or one can just wait for the large animals to complete their meal and then rush in and scavenge for whatever is left. Office workers pack sandwiches into paper cups and carry them secretly into their cubicles or offices or devour them right there, off the plates, sometimes mixing the wraps with the wilted salad, the cold coffee, the gluey pasta and sometimes almost transparent cheese.
Such free food is free of any calories or sugars, or saturated fats. Such found post meeting food also does not need to be refrigerated.
Kings used to employ professional tasters to see if their food was in any way poisoned. Food after meetings must be such tested food and thus completely save to eat. (Unless the meeting room is littered with bodies, of course.)
I recently saw two workers in a meeting room in the afternoon, eating roast beef and tuna sandwiches left over from a long early morning meeting. One of the workers boasted that he had survived several years in China and that even if the food we was eating now had obviously not been refrigerated for more than four hours, the Chinese bacteria in his so experienced stomach would easily kill all the germs that might have anything to do with the not refrigerated "meeting food". Hmm...
Am I immune to this irresistible call of preowned and certified meeting food? Certainly not. I have had my share of meeting pasta... had some cold black coffee (there was no milk or sugar left.)... some melted brie...(the crackers were almost crunchy.)
Today my catch was just a cup of mini-pretzels. Inside of the cup however was a real gem. We all know that pretzels do not grow on trees, of course, but what I found today, between the little fish and some low fat potato chips was a genuine, a real, a little... bonsai pretzel tree.
It is not very large, that little bonsai pretzel tree. I would say that it is about 7 centimeters, perhaps? It is a little flat, there is a short stem, some roots, and the crown already bears three genuine little mini pretzels. I carefully planted the tree in a large paper cup, and instead of soil I chose paper napkins. I will need to give it some silica, so it does not suck in moisture, with its sprinkled salt. For now it is in a good place covered with one of the transparent one way orange juice cups, for protection.
I know the little tree will never grow, no matter what I'll do with it, but it is truly a masterpiece created by some slightly flawed manufacturing process over at the meeting-pretzel plant. It was dark when I found the little tree, but I shot some mini portraits, hope you'll enjoy these...
1) A total view with coffee cup and cover.
2) Pretzel tree, close-up
Do you have a bonsai anything? (And please do not provide a link to that bonsai kitten site...)


My favorite bonsai is a little money tree. For months it has been sitting on my wide drab-colored filing cabinets at work, smiling at me from its dainty blue and white pot.

As it grew larger and larger, my boss told me it looked like I was growing 'some sort of marijuana plant' and ordered me to take it home.

Work hasn't been the same since. Maybe I should start eating more pretzels.

Posted by: katya on September 9, 2003 12:08 AM

that is just too charming for words :)

Posted by: shauny on September 9, 2003 02:56 AM

...that close up is oh so mirror project of you ;)
But, that said...HOLY COW IT IS A BONSAI PRETZELTREE, usually I just think you're crazy and don't pay you no mind but you're absolutly right!

Oh and...My father once told me that the toasting of glasses was created by kings...the idea is to smash yr' stein into his hard enough that his beer flows into yours and yours into his...and after the toast if he does not drink, not only is he rude he is trying to kill you.

So, Cheers!

Posted by: m-L-e on September 9, 2003 09:05 AM

: )
I hear the story about the kings is true... : )

you think I'm crazy?... : )
thank you... I take it as a compliment... : D

Posted by: witold on September 9, 2003 09:16 AM

i'll drink to that

(ohhhh ugh I am corny.)

Posted by: m-L-e on September 9, 2003 02:39 PM

You have described my office so precisely, it's a little scary. Particularly the sandwiches stuffed into paper cups...

"one can just wait for the large animals to complete their meal and then rush in and scavenge for whatever is left"

Ahhhh, the mad rush of the lowly designers scuttling down the hall to snatch up half bagels, muffin scraps, and melon wedges left over from that morning's meeting (attended only by editors, publishers, and other large game).

Posted by: Anna on September 9, 2003 02:50 PM
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