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September 03, 1992
how it happened to me...

I was already jumping cars when it happened. It was a greyish day, more of an evening, as far as I remember. My blood was already a bit of a mix-drink.
There were several "friends" involved. I had managed to kiss one of them on the neck, well more than that, a few days before and it must have been a really boring experience for her. I was not her destination, I was her bait. I had not very much to offer. I was a 22 year old art director with some glamorous jobs in the pipeline, but otherwise still a bit wet behind my ears.
She worked reception downstairs, was clearly a future art directress, she worked the whole agency really, having a superbly refined tribal walking technique and some really crazy tight jeans.
Then there was the leader, about 10 years older than me, 12 older than her. His name was a constructed trademark, he was a real design alpha dog. He had some really brilliant experience, success on many unexpected levels. He was the cool dark prince.
They scooped me up to go to his apartment. It was supposed to be a good evening, they promised. I was psyched.
The roommate was as always bored, slightly sweaty in front of his television. He was the illustrator. We were all pure scene.
Then the specialist brought the ultimate clarity, he was the forever boy who would switch between German and English sometimes in the middle of a two silabe word.
Nothing was steady in my field of vision. We could have been on an ocean liner in a storm for what I know. She was excited to be part of some new secret thing. The leader had it all planed out and was just grinning his most promising smile yet. Clarity boy appeared. He was a bit slurry this evening, ready, talking some irrelevant new stuff. I think he just left quickly. His role in the game was very limited, tested, cool.
We sat down in the kitchen, stared down onto the table and ourselves.
I was still not very clear, just funny, did everything wrong. It was a first.
The roomie did not care, he just turned up the television.
Just minutes later I found myself with a girl and a guy in a room lit by the passing by streetcars out side. We were all in the same soft place, suddenly, ridiculously wrongly, this was where I wanted and really did not want to be.
The leader had a plan, some sort of fantasy, I guessed, I and the future art directress were part of this little game of his. She lowered her lids, as far as I could see, he was like a cat, ready to jump the bird.
I started laughing.
I am not sure if I fell off the bed or not. But the feeling I had was exactly as if I had. I was not ready. Nobody had warned me about all this. I was not really ready for this kind of game...
And so I told them. I expressed it clearly, I repeated myself, then said it again. I was amazed with what kind of clarity my words would take on, shapes so much more descriptive and lush than my regular day to day kind of talk.
Yes things were truly loud and clear now. I knew exactly what was going on.
My brain was like a bull left out of a restraining box, it jumped and jumped and wanted to have some brutally serious linguistic fun.
They did not not quite share my passion for the spoken word. His hand had just managed to land on her soft belly, she closed her eyes completely and was ready for either one of us.
A few minutes later they had me in a car, the dark prince driving, I in the back seat, clarifying the situation. If the world was a game, then why could I not be the commentator. Not one of those lame and slow television ones. I was an old school, Polish radio, soccer talker kind of guy. As the lights of the cars flew by us, and the reflections exploded in the little drops on the glass windows of his vintage diesel car, I did not keep it to myself as I would usually do. I told them all about it... the so did not want to know...
Future Art Directress had her senses back in order and just remembered quickly that she also had to work her waitress nightshift at the city's only good rainbow decorated bar.
We dropped her off. I do not remember how fast I was dropped off right after.
The rest of the evening was spent in very intense slumber. I had some good and vivid dreams.
I remember how I walked the two miles or so to the agency the next day, early in the morning. I was truly happy, still pretty clear about things maybe not as loud.
The receptionist that day looked like the girl I had been next to in a bed, but she did not recognize me anymore, she never did again.
The dark prince was the winner. He had picked her up after her shift and they did all the things my brain chose for me to miss.
He told me about a little moment in which she accepted him, and how she welcomed him, but I really did not want to know...
It did not matter really. I was on my way down the steps, then the elevator, down to the street, where it rained yet again. I jumped at the hood of a car.
I never played this kind of game again.

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